Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
