She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
