I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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