I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
