Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
