Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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