Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
