I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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