i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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