hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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