I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
