The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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