It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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