I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
