we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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