We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
