Me too!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
