I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its about making memories worth repressing
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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