yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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