He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
