Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
