That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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