she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
