the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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