Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
