Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
