i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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