My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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