Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in