he looks like a really good dad on facebook
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
