My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw