Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.