I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.