But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.