I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
