I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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