I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
