then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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