Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
