So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
