Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
