i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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