I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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