Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
