just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
