i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
