just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
