O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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