I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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