I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
