I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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