Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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