I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
