so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
dude. I can hear the air.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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