Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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