After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
