she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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