She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
