whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
