He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
