Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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