I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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