Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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