You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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