we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
