yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
