Having a random hookup so left but love u
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
