I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
