Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
