There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
