I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Terrible idea I love it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
