I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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