her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
