My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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