Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
