I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
