were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
