I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
