I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life