the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire