remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
