Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.