i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.