i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
