one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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