It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love you.
Bad choice
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
