Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
